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Seating Family At The Ceremony
By Peggy Post
Seating Parents
The parents of the bride always sit in the first pew
on the left, facing the chancel; the groom's parents
sit in the first pew on the right. If the church has
two aisles, her parents sit on the right of the left
aisle (as they enter the church from the back), and
his parents sit on the left of the right aisle. This
way both are seated in the center section of the
house of worship.
Seating Widowed Parents
Widowed parents of either the bride or groom should
not necessarily be expected to sit in lonely
splendor at their child's wedding. If they prefer
having someone by their side during the ceremony, it
is perfectly correct to do so. The guest of the
widowed parent does not have to participate in any
way, however, such as standing in the receiving line
-- unless he or she is engaged to the widowed parent
or is helping to host the reception. Every effort
should be made to treat the companion as an honored
guest.
Seating Parents Who Are Divorced
When either the bride's or the groom's parents are
divorced, it is best to have specific advanced
instructions for seating, in the interest of
amicability. They most likely would not sit
together.
Unless the bride is estranged from her mother, her
mother (and stepfather, if her mother has remarried)
is seated in the front pew. Members of her immediate
family -- the bride's grandparents, aunts, and
uncles -- sit immediately behind her (preferably in
no more than one or two rows of pews). The bride's
father, after escorting his daughter up the aisle
and presenting her to her groom, sits in the next
pew back, behind the bride's mother's family, with
his wife and their family members.
If there is rancor between divorced parents but the
bride has remained close to both, the situation is
much more difficult. Perhaps she has lived with her
father since the divorce. Maybe her mother is
hosting the wedding, either entirely or with the
bride's father. Sometimes a bride's father (or
mother) has remarried and her other parent resents
the ex-partner's spouse. If, for example, the
bride's mother strongly resents the new wife, it
would be more tactful for the new wife to sit
farther back in the church, preferably with a
friend. In these circumstances the father might not
even attend the reception. Grandparents and other
relatives on his side might be excluded entirely,
unless the bride has remained close to them.
Even if the wedding is given by the bride's father,
the seating arrangements remain the same. The
bride's mother (and her present husband, if the
bride is comfortable about his being there) sits in
the first pew. The bride's father and stepmother sit
in the front pew only when the bride is estranged
from or not close to her mother or is closer to her
stepmother. Ordinarily the father's family sits in
the third or fourth pew, where he joins them after
escorting the bride.
When the groom's parents are divorced, they are
seated in the same manner. The groom's mother,
accompanied by close members of her family, sits in
the first pew (or pews) on the right side of the
aisle. The groom's father and family sit in the next
pew behind the groom's mother's family.
Naturally, if the divorce is an amicable one and all
are great friends, there is no reason that all the
bride's or groom's divorced parents cannot share the
first pew. It is only when relations are strained or
sensitivities great that the etiquette of careful
seating need be employed.
Seating Immediate Family
Behind the front pews, several pews on either side
of the center aisle are reserved for the immediate
families of the couple. The people who are to sit
there may have been sent pew cards to show their
usher, or the usher may keep a list of guests to be
seated in the first few pews.
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