Marking Togetherness: Beyond the Unity Candle
By: Blake
Kritzberg
By now, surely everyone's familiar with the unity
candle, but did you know there are other unification
ceremonies to choose from when planning your
wedding?
Although the unity candle seems to have been with us
forever, in reality it's only about ten years old.
During those years, more "two-become-one" motifs
have arrived to round out the theme.
Unification ceremonies are not only a symbol of
togetherness, they're also flexible elements of a
wedding. These ceremonies can be "opened up" to
include important family members, such as the bridal
couple's parents. Children from previous marriages
can play a part, as can the entire congregation in a
smaller wedding. Candle and rose ceremonies are
common choices for adapting in this way.
Unification ceremonies can also be "stacked." It's
not unusual to find a wedding that includes a hand
and water ceremony, for example, or a wine and rose
ceremony. Some couples play music during these
ceremonies and others don't.
The timing of unification ceremonies varies by
wedding, but they most often take place directly
before or after the exchange of vows. These
ceremonies may be especially important in
non-religious weddings, which may end too quickly
otherwise!
Let's look at some alternatives to the Unity Candle
ceremony:
Rose Ceremony
The rose ceremony is a flexible, informal ceremony
especially suited to an interfaith or non-religious
wedding, not to mention a garden wedding! In the
rose ceremony, bride and groom exchange a single
rose as their first married gift to each other. They
are asked to recall this symbol of their love during
the more trying seasons of marriage.
Hand Ceremony
In the hand ceremony, the bride takes the groom's
hands in hers, palms up. The officiant invites her
to view his hands as a gift, and says: "These are
the hands that will work along side yours, as
together you build your future, as together you
laugh and cry, and together you share your innermost
secrets and dreams."
The groom then takes the bride's hands, palm side
up. The officiant says, "They are the hands that
will passionately love you and cherish you through
the years, for a lifetime of happiness, as she
promises her love and commitment to you all the days
of her life."
Knot Ceremony
In the knot ceremony, the mothers of the bridal
couple are given a cord, which the officiant later
asks them to give to the bridal couple. The couple
ties a lover's knot, which they may save to look
back on later.
Sand, Water and Wine Ceremonies
These are all mixing ceremonies suited to a
Unitarian or interfaith wedding. The sand ceremony
is said to arise from Apache customs, and is popular
in beach weddings. In each case, the bride and groom
pour sand or liquid from two separate vials into
one. In the wine ceremony, they drink the mixed
wine.
A nice touch is to have the bride pour white wine
while the groom pours red. You can then serve rosé
at the reception to remind everyone of the ceremony.
The Salt Covenant
The salt covenant is an ancient tradition,
well-described in the Bible, and appearing regularly
in Indian-national and Jewish weddings. Like the
Jewish Huppah, the salt covenant (a mixing ceremony
with ancient connotations of loyalty, protection and
hospitality) is beginning to show up in non-Jewish
weddings as well.
The Foot-Washing Ceremony
The foot washing ceremony (not to be confused with
the Scottish bridal foot-washing ceremony, a raucous
pre-wedding event) is a fascinating, solemn custom
emphasizing the role of dual servitude in a
marriage.
This short article hasn't covered all the
unification ceremonies: there are bread-sharing
ceremonies, circling ceremonies, broom jumping
ceremonies, and probably more ceremonies that are
being invented right now.
However, if you feel a unification ceremony might
make your wedding more meaningful and personal,
consider these alternatives. Don't forget that you
can use more than one!
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