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Your Ceremony. Your Way.
By Autumn Rhea Carpenter
Weddings are sentimental events. A time when
lives culminate and friends and family gather in one
space and time to celebrate love and hope for the
couple’s lifetime of happiness. Sometimes varying
opinions infiltrate the wedding planning process and
a couple must remember to stick to their original
vision. Modern times welcome more flexibility and
inspiration to weddings and more couples are
enjoying a newfound sense of creative expression.
Long gone are the cookie-cutter weddings, devoid of
color and individuality. Personalization reigns king
in today’s wedding ceremonies.
Michelle Hope Lawrence of Michelle Hope Weddings
illustrated how personalities are being showcased in
today’s wedding ceremonies. “Many brides choose to
incorporate more cultural and religious traditions
into their weddings in a way that reflects their
family’s heritage and values,” she said. “Others
look for touching ways to include their guests in
the ceremony.”
Tammy Goral, Austin Wedding and Event Coordinators (AWEC)
member and owner of Sparkling Engagements explains
how wedding trends have changed. “Brides are
definitely doing things differently than in the
past,” she said. “Years ago, ceremonies were more
traditional and were rarely held outside of churches
and chapels. Now, it’s common for weddings to be
held at a variety of venues ranging from museums to
parks.
The bridal party attire is another element that has
significantly changed. In the past, bridesmaids all
wore the same style and color of dress. Today’s
bridesmaids might have different styles and
sometimes different colors to fit the wedding’s
overall theme.”
During the initial planning stages, it’s important
that couples voice their dreams and ensure that they
properly communicate with each other. Tanya Posavatz,
(another AWEC member) wedding consultant and owner
of Clink Weddings, shared other issues couple should
initially discuss. “They should discuss whether it’s
more important to them to have everyone there and
use a lower cost venue, menu and vendors or to limit
the guest list so that they can afford the best
venues and vendors.”
Budget is another matter that should be discussed
early in the planning process. “As soon as a
preliminary guest list is complete, a budget should
be designed,” said Posavatz. “It is best done with a
wedding planner so that it is realistic and doesn’t
leave anything out. Then she can give a personalized
list of recommended vendors based on the couple’s
budget.”
Lawrence agreed that budget ranks high. “It should
be one of the first things that couples do. I say to
my clients: ‘First we fantasize, next prioritize,
then bugatize.’”
Brides are opening their minds up to the
possibilities and are seeking more for their money.
“Today’s brides are most interested in finding the
perfect ceremony site with a romantic ambiance,
heartfelt music and gorgeous flowers,” said Goral.
“Brides are really looking for that certain aspect
that will make their wedding ceremony different than
all of the others. They want their ceremony to be
held at a site that is unique and hasn’t been used
by any of their recently married friends, so finding
the perfect site is top on their list. Outdoor
weddings have been very popular, along with
ceremonies timed just perfectly with sunset to
provide that perfect, romantic glow. Ceremony music
is always very important; like finding a musician
that plays the wedding march and makes the bride
tear up just by hearing the music. And the flowers
are definitely important to brides as it ties
everything together.”
When developing ideas, couples should be able to
compromise, says Posavatz. “Couples should pick
their battles, but give each other veto power.
However, use the veto sparingly.”
It’s not required that couples agree on every
wedding topic, according to Goral. “Couples don’t
have to agree completely on everything, although
that would be ideal,” she said. “This might be the
couple’s first try at a compromise. If the bride
wants a live band and the groom wants a DJ who
specializes in a particular type of music, then the
compromise would be to find a live band that plays
that particular type of music. Everything can be
resolved to find a mutually agreeable concept.”
Delegating tasks is a method to ensure items are
completed. “It’s absolutely vital that tasks are
delegated,” said Posavatz. “You don’t want to be
running around at the last minute checking the altar
to see if the unity candle is in place, or during
your vows, running though a check-list in your mind
about the reception details.”
Goral agreed, “With all of the tasks involved with
planning a wedding, it is extremely crucial for the
couple to delegate tasks (or hire a wedding
consultant),” she said “If tasks are not delegated,
then everything tends to fall back on the couple and
doesn’t allow them to enjoy themselves. Having
certain people delegated to specific tasks will
allow the couple to enjoy their special day.”
Another important subject to address is dealing with
family member’s opinions. “Family members should be
concerned with what is important to the couple and
most of the time, that is the case,” said Goral.
“But, if the family members are headstrong and
disinterested, the services of a wedding coordinator
can definitely be beneficial. Many times couples
will express their feelings to the consultant and
then she may be tasked with the responsibility of
mentioning the issues to the family. Often, the
decisions are in the hands of the person paying for
the wedding and may result in a compromise on both
sides. It’s really key that the couple explains the
importance of certain elements to their families.”
Older couples are often times more financially
stable and this allows for more creative control of
the wedding. “An older bride has usually had more
time to think about her wedding and has seen other
weddings, so she often incorporates original vows
and symbolic rituals,” said Posavatz. “When couples
pay for the wedding themselves they often are free
to incorporate more creative details and elements.”
Some couples choose to explain certain ceremony
choices in their programs, according to Lawrence.
“At the time of the ceremony, some couples decide to
include in their programs a description of the
different ceremony elements and reasons why they
were chosen.”
Programs are also a creative way to address friends
and family members. The program includes important
elements of the ceremony and serves also as a
keepsake. It also may hold a note of thanks to
parents, a description of a unique tradition, a
prayer or quotation or poem or a tribute to a
deceased relative or friend. Standard information in
a wedding program usually includes the wedding date,
location and time, the wedding party participants,
the officiant, musicians or soloists and musical
titles performed.
Other areas where personalization can come into play
include the brides’ dress, the invitations, favors,
cake, food, send-off methods, drinks and
photographs.
Wedding vows are an important place where couples
can add a touch of their own personalities. Weddings
today stress enduring values, with couples placing
emphasis on their shared trust, faith and monogamy.
They are a public declaration of a couple’s
marriage. Some people choose traditional wedding
vows, while others write their own vows or
incorporate a combination of the old and the new.
Vows can become more relevant by substituting words
or phrases, by adding verses and by mentioning
family and friends. In this way, personalizing vows
become more meaningful to the couple and their
guests. They may choose to perform a reading from a
favorite book, poem or play that has particular
significance to the couple. Some brides and grooms
also quote from works of philosophy that illustrate
their feelings and convictions to one another.
Another way to add a uniquely personal flavor to the
wedding, without asking your officiate to recount
your life histories or the entire saga of your
meeting and courtship, is to write one-page letters
to each other, to be read during the wedding
ceremony. Discuss what the outline of the letters
will be and a general direction for the subject
matter so there is some connection between what the
two letters will be addressing. Write the letter,
but don’t show it to your partner. Have the
officiant read your letters to each other in the
early portions of the wedding.
Wedding vows are the most important element of the
ceremony, but that doesn’t mean they should be
long-winded. Choose words that pack a punch and that
reflect clarity of vision and certainty of will and
sincerity of emotion.
No matter how a couple personalizes their wedding
ceremony, Goral emphasizes the meaning behind the
ceremony. “I think it is most important for the
couple to remember the whole reason for their
special day is to join in marriage and create a bond
that is everlasting,” she said. “Regardless of the
décor or the site or budget, as long as they are
able to join together and wed, then everything else
will seem insignificant in the end. Love is the most
important aspect of the ceremony.”
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