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The Rules of Engagement (Rings)
By Emma-Lou Montgomery, MSN
Money special correspondent
So you’ve popped the question, or you’re just about
to? Congratulations. Got the ring yet? What’s that?
It’s just another piece of jewelry? Oh boy, you
really need to read on for the Rules of Engagement.
If he’s already popped the question, or you’re just
hoping he’ll ‘do the honorable thing’, or you’re
considering making an ‘honest man’ of him yourself
(after all this is a leap year), whatever the
scenario there’s one important thing you need to
consider. The Ring.
The diamond engagement ring as we know it has been
around since the 1400s. And whether you’re proposed
to or not ladies, I think it’s important to stick
with tradition here. So, before you go any further,
girls – and boys - here are the 10 rules of
Engagement …. Rings.
Guys, I’m talking to you here.
1. Trick or treat?
First thing is to decide whether your girlfriend
will really appreciate having a surprise ring
foisted upon her. Popping a ring onto her finger may
be the traditional way to propose, but most girls
will have been daydreaming about the style of
engagement ring they want for ages. And most women
would prefer having some say in what sort of ring
they get.
Buy her a rock that’s too small and she’ll think
you’re tight; splash out on a 3 carat monstrosity
and she’ll think you’re vulgar. Don’t take the risk.
Just let her choose, OK? On the plus side, what
woman is going to turn down a proposal that’s
accompanied by the words ‘and you can choose any
ring you want’?
2. Size does matter
However, if you are planning a surprise then nab one
of your future intended’s rings, preferably one she
wears on her ‘ring finger’ so you can get a good
fit. Don’t worry too much though because most
jewelers will be happy to alter it if the ring you
choose does turn out to be too small or too big.
If you’re getting a ring made to your own design
many jewelers will suggest handing over a plain
band and then letting you and your fiancée finalize
the design together. That way everyone will be
happy. You’ve done the romance bit and she gets to
be involved in the creative process too.
3. Just like granny’s
If you’re an old-fashioned sort of guy and want to
hand over your grandmother's engagement ring you
will probably want to get the stone re-set in a more
modern setting and the band adjusted to fit. But get
the OK from other family members first who might
have other ideas.
4. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend
Diamonds are traditionally the most popular stone
for engagement rings. This is because the diamond's
scarcity and durability is supposed to symbolize the
constancy of your love for one another. Aaah sweet.
Sapphires come a close second (though this didn't
work for Charles and Diana), followed by rubies and
emeralds. But ultimately the choice is yours (and
your wallet’s).
5. Remember the four Cs
These stand for cut, carat, color and clarity. When
you delve into the world of diamonds you can feel
like you need a PhD to make sense of it all. It can
be mind-boggling – and doubly so when you’re
shelling out a small fortune on a tiny bit of rock.
But do your homework before you hit the shops and
you shouldn’t go far wrong.
Most of all relax. This is supposed to be enjoyable.
If you both like the ring, the price is right and
you’re buying from a reputable retailer there’s
really no need to have nightmares over cubic
zirconium fakes.
6. Don’t forget the fifth C
Cost. Some wedding folklore suggests one month’s
salary is what you should pay on an engagement ring
for your intended. Others say two months is more
like it, while Americans insist on three. Whether
they mean before or after tax is for you to decide.
I would suggest you have your top-whack price in
mind and then try your best to keep within it.
It really comes down to what you both like and feel
you want to spend. Just don’t get carried away.
Although ultimately it’s for you to decide whether
it’s worth getting up to your eyeballs in debt just
so she can have a ring ten times the size of her
best friend’s/her sister’s/her mother’s/her boss’s.
7. Something old, something new
If you buy an antique engagement ring, you'll be
buying something original that you can't find in a
high street jeweler. Scan the styles and get a feel
for what you like. Then, depending on your budget,
you can try the smarter jewelers, antiques markets
or buy at auction. If you buy at auction, browse
through the catalogues, and then visit the experts
on viewing day.
If you do opt for an antique ring and fancy
something other than a diamond the experts advise
you to steer clear of three stones. They are
turquoise, because it can discolor; opal, which is
also prone to discoloration and can crack; and
pearls, as they're very porous and, once damaged,
lose their luster. Victorian rings are best at
standing up to everyday wear and tear.
8. Sloppy seconds are a definite No-No
Under no circumstances should you consider popping a
ring on her finger that you’ve already given to
someone else. It might be the biggest diamond
solitaire this side of the Crown Jewels, but just
imagine the reaction when your fiancée finds out it
wasn’t bought specially for her. And she will find
out, women always do.
9. It takes two to tango – and two to get wed
When you’re choosing the engagement ring consider
the type of wedding ring you want to wear, as the
two will ultimately be worn together. Choosing a
matching metal is usual, although not essential. If
you’re picking an unusually shaped ring make sure
you can get a wedding ring to fit next to it. If you
have to get one specially made, consider the
additional cost.
10. Accidents can happen
Insure your ring as soon as possible, just in case.
Most home contents policies will accommodate you –
call your insurer (or get your fiancée to call hers)
to discuss the details.
And if you plan to pop the question abroad, make
sure your ring’s covered by your travel insurance –
just in case it drops from your pocket on the way to
that desert island. And always keep the receipt. If
she hates the ring, turns you down or you ever need
to make an insurance claim, you’re going to need it.
Done that, now what?
Great. Now that’s sorted all you’ve got to worry
about is the Big Day itself. So have you decided who
you’ll you be inviting and not inviting? Whether you
want a big or small affair? Got your dress? Set a
budget? Thought of the flowers? The cake? The car?
The honeymoon?
And you thought proposing was the scariest part?
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