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Top Three Etiquette Dilemmas
By Peggy Post
1. Including Partners
Partners of invited guests must be included in a
wedding invitation, whether or not they are married,
engaged, or living together and whether or not
anyone in the wedding party knows them. Suggesting
that single guests who aren't attached to a
significant other bring a date is a thoughtful
gesture, but one that is certainly not required and
often not realistic. A single invitation addressed
to both members of a married couple, or a couple who
live together, is sent to their shared address,
while invitations to an engaged or long-standing
couple who don't live together are sent separately,
to each address. Envelopes addressed to a single
friend may include "And Guest," indicating that he
or she may bring an escort or friend. If it is
possible to obtain the name of the guest, the name
would be included on the invitation to the friend,
or a second invitation may even be sent directly to
the date at his or her home address instead.
Note: Occasionally a single guest will become
engaged or reunite with a separated spouse after the
invitations have been mailed. In that case it is
perfectly correct for the bride or groom to extend a
verbal invitation to the guest's friend or spouse.
2. Guests Who Ask to Bring a Guest
The answer is straightforward: It is impolite of a
guest to ask if he can bring a date -- but it is not
impolite of you to refuse. You may certainly answer
no. However, if you do discover that they are
engaged or living together, the thing to do is
invite your friend's partner, whether verbally or by
invitation.
3. Sending Invitations to Out-of-Town Guests Who
Can't Possibly Attend
Apply careful thought. Many people prefer not to
send invitations to those friends and acquaintances
who they feel cannot possibly attend the
celebrations. They believe that doing so makes it
look as if they are merely inviting those friends in
order to receive a gift. In most cases these friends
should receive a wedding announcement instead, which
carries no obligation whatsoever.
There is the flip side to this dilemma. Some good
friends who live far away might actually be hurt if
you do not send invitations, even if your intent was
to spare them from feeling obliged to send a gift
for a wedding so far away. These friends, upon
hearing news of your engagement, may actually have
been making plans to travel to your wedding. In
general, always invite truly good friends -- even if
they live far away.
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