Wedding Reception

Treat Your Guests to an Unforgettable Meal on Your Unforgettable Day
Nicole Burnham Onsi

There are many details your wedding guests will forget days or weeks after the reception, such as what color flowers were in your bouquet or whether your French manicure was chipped. What they won’t forget easily? A great meal. They also won’t forget a not-so-great meal. For both these reasons, it makes sense to concentrate plenty of planning energy on the food, drink, service and atmosphere of your reception. In this special section: sensible advice to help you plan your affair from hors d’oeuvres to dessert. We even asked caterers to offer some sample reception menus. Hungry for more? Dig in!

Finding Your Style
"Before you meet with a single caterer or catering-hall manager, you and your fiancé should discuss the level of formality you desire for your reception," says Eileen Livers, author of The Unofficial Guide to Planning Your Wedding (MacMillan, 1999). How formal your event will be is the cornerstone for all other planning decisions, "from the cut of your gown to the style of your invitations, and, of course, your catering selections," notes Livers.

How to decide? Well, what sort of wedding have you fantasized about? If your dreams include flickering candlelight, a traditional gown with a long train and a string quartet, you’re likely to gravitate toward a formal sit-down dinner. If they involve a sun-drenched, barefoot beach wedding, a party with rum runners and seafood or a relaxed, outdoor cocktail celebration may be right up your alley. Is neither really your style? Then opt for something in between, such as a garden tea, brunch, a traditional buffet dinner or a simple dessert and coffee reception.

Still not sure what you want? Try this: "Sit down with your fiancé and talk about the things you don’t like," advises Livers. If you hated waking up early for your cousin Alice’s sunrise wedding and mid-morning brunch reception, or if your fiancé was uncomfortable in black tie at his best friend’s ultra-formal soiree, you can probably scratch both those options off your list.

Livers also suggests taking pen to paper and listing adjectives you would like applied to your perfect wedding. "Words like fun, chic, traditional, southern-style, elegant or funky help you nail down your tastes," she says. If southern-style leaps out at you, for instance, you might enjoy hosting an afternoon wedding, followed by a garden tea party with cookies, cake and hors d’oeuvres. Fun or funky might dictate a beach party, picnic or Texas-style barbecue. Elegant might mean an evening wedding with caviar and vodka on ice, featuring filet mignon as an entree, whereas chic might inspire you to host a swanky do in a downtown loft, with free-flowing champagne. Traditional will guide you toward a late-afternoon or evening wedding with a chicken or fish dinner, either with buffet service or as a sit-down meal.

Finding Food Pros
Once you’ve settled on a style, you’re ready to begin the search for a caterer whose strengths mesh with your wedding plans. Meryl Snow, of Feastivities Catered Events in Philadelphia, says that the best way to find a caterer is to ask for recommendations from people whose weddings you’ve particularly enjoyed. Narrow down that list to two or three caterers with whom you’ll arrange to meet. "If you call more than that, you may become overwhelmed by the selection," says Snow. At these initial meetings, tell the caterers what style of wedding you envision, and ask about their experience in that area. "While a professional caterer can likely create whatever you request, you won’t get the best results asking a meat-and-potatoes caterer to do gourmet," she adds.

Second, ask to look at their sample menus, and get their suggestions for various dishes and combinations of dishes. Caryn Hasslocher, of Fresh Horizons Creative Catering in San Antonio, Texas, says that brides often forget that the time of day and location of the reception need to be factored into menu decisions. "Even if you feel that filet mignon fits the formal style of your event, your guests won’t expect or want such a heavy meal if you’re hosting a mid-afternoon reception," she notes.

In addition, the facility you choose for your reception may limit your menu choices. "The caterer needs to have sufficient kitchen space if your menu requires on-site cooking," explains Hasslocher. "And if you want a buffet or ‘action stations,’ where meat is carved or omelets and crêpes are made to order, you need to think about space."

Belly Up to the Bar!
The bar is often the wedding-planning area that causes brides and grooms the most angst. There’s a world of choice — cash vs. open bar; wine and beer only vs. the full range of liquors; and paying on a consumption basis vs. paying a flat fee. The difficulty of making bar choices is compounded by the fact that alcohol is expensive. But there are ways to cut down on your bar bill.

While finding ways to cut expenses is important, our experts agreed: Cash bars (where guests pay for their own drinks as they order them) are trè:s tacky. Your wedding guests are just that — your guests. You wouldn’t think of asking Uncle Al for a five-spot if you made him a vodka tonic at Thanksgiving dinner, would you? Plus, points out Hasslocher, caterers have a minimum sales number for cash bars to cover the cost of setup, bartenders and ice, and if your guests don’t meet that you’ll still end up with a hefty bill at the end of the event. So please, no cash bars.

If you want to cut down on alcohol consumption, consider holding your wedding earlier in the day, when guests aren’t likely to drink as much. "At a morning wedding guests are more likely to have a glass of champagne for a toast and call it quits," notes Hasslocher. There’s money saved without sacrificing style.

Know your crowd: If you expect heavy drinking, you’re probably better off negotiating a total food and beverage price with your caterer, or paying a flat fee for bar service. If you’re hosting an older crowd, or aren’t expecting guests to indulge too heavily, then you’re probably better off paying on a consumption basis, which means you pay only for what your guests actually drink.

There are other ways to save, as well. "Discourage waiters from refilling wine glasses at dinner without asking guests if they want more," says Livers. Also, be clear with your caterer that new bottles should not be opened until others are finished.

Livers also recommends that brides and grooms consider purchasing the alcohol themselves ahead of time. "Hotels and other venues with on-site catering may not let you, but an outside caterer will often agree. You can save a lot of money by shopping at discount warehouses or superstores."

If you decide to go this route, plan to serve two to three drinks per person during the first hour of the reception, and one drink per hour after that. If you have unusually heavy or light drinkers in attendance, you may want to adjust the figure slightly. Benning notes that in most cases, your caterer can give you a good idea of how much beer, wine and ice you’ll need. When making your purchases, be sure the seller will allow you to return unopened bottles. Since you’ll be making a fairly large purchase, negotiate with the seller for an even larger discount or for free delivery.

Finally, no matter what type of bar service you opt for, Benning suggests you stop serving alcohol about 30 minutes before you expect the reception to end, especially if the hour is late and your guests will be driving home or to area hotels. Not only will you be saving money, you’ll be ensuring their safety. Dessert — Done Right
Time was, the wedding cake was like a prop at the reception: You had to have one, but you didn’t think too much about, or have much choice in, what it looked and tasted like. There it would be, a few tiers of frothy white with a ceramic couple teetering on top. And inside? Well, who cared? It wasn’t there to be a delicious dessert.

Thankfully, that has changed. Today’s bakers now turn out wedding cakes that are true works of art — and sweet pleasers that perfectly cap off a reception. Regula Onstad, owner of Regula’s Specialty Cakes in Brooklyn, New York, says that the best way to find your dream baker is through word of mouth. Ask recent brides, of course, but also check with your florist, DJ or band — they’re bound to have resources. If wedding-cake bakers appear at local bridal shows, be sure to visit their booths — they’ll often have free samples on hand!

When you meet with a baker, ask her what types of cakes she specializes in. She may offer flavors or flavor combinations you might not have considered. She may also allow you to taste-test a few, often for a small charge. Ask to see an album of her past creations to get an idea of her decorating ability.

Onstad says that many brides have a good idea of what they want. "Either they’ll like a picture of a cake I’ve done in the past, or they’ll bring in pictures of cakes from wedding magazines." Be prepared: Even if you haven’t seen a photograph of the exact cake you want, bring pictures in which some element — the icing color, the shape of the cake, the decoration — is something you’d want. "A good baker will work with that, and tell you what she can and can’t do," says Onstad.

Think about how your cake will fit in at the reception location, as well as with the time of year and day; there’s the obvious (certain icings, like whipped cream or buttercream, don’t do well in warm weather at outdoor weddings), and the not-so-obvious (a lavishly decorated cake may look out of place at an informal location). You’ll also want to make sure the cake coordinates with your flowers, your colors and the type of dinner you’ll be serving. Finally, consider the time of year. Light, fruity cakes appeal in spring and summer, while in fall or winter you can serve a richer flavor of cake.

To save money on your wedding cake, consider having a smaller, formal cake for the cutting ceremony, and a sheet cake of the same flavor for serving to guests. Beyond that, however, there are not many ways to cut corners on a wedding cake — inferior ingredients spoil the taste. "In the overall scheme of things, the wedding cake is not a big expense. You’ll have an easier time cutting costs elsewhere," advises Onstad. (See Wedding Cakes for more information.)

Of course, dessert doesn’t have to be all about the wedding cake. Hasslocher notes that at weddings she’s catered in Texas, Mexican wedding cookies or pralines are commonly served. "We’ve also done fresh fruit displays with various dipping sauces," she says. Many brides also opt for dessert bars, featuring eclairs, tartlets, cream puffs and truffles. Other options: a crêpe bar, with fruit-filled creations flambéed in brandy, and dessert cheeses, served with crackers and fresh fruit. Coffee bars are also popular with guests. Think made-to-order latte or cappuccino served with chocolate sticks, help-yourself toppings like cinnamon or whipped cream, and a selection of light desserts. "Dessert should really be a highlight of the meal, not an afterthought," says Benning. "Be lighthearted, have fun with your choices, and your guests will enjoy themselves, too."

Now What Are You Charging Me For?
You probably have an idea of what your total catering bill will be. Or do you? Don’t get caught short by sneaky extras that pad your bill. Ask about these fees up front:

Corkage fee If you provide your own alcohol, many hotels and caterers will charge a flat fee per bottle opened or drink served. Negotiate to have it lowered. Or, think about using the alcohol provided by the caterer or hotel, for which there should never be a corkage fee.

Cake-cutting This charge is often tacked on for the service the caterer provides in cutting and serving your cake. If the caterer baked the cake, get rid of this fee, fast — you shouldn’t have to pay it. If you bring in a cake from an outside baker, the caterer’s cutting fee should be nominal.

Coffee-pouring fee Yes, you guessed it — this is where you’re charged for each cup of coffee poured for your guests. Refuse to pay this fee! A caterer who insists on charging you for it may sneak in charges elsewhere, as well.

Service charges, gratuities and tips Did you read that and think, "Those are all the same thing!"? Good for you. Some people don’t realize it, and end up overtipping. Read your contract and bill carefully to make sure your caterer doesn’t double-charge you. Usually, the gratuity is a percentage the overall bill, or it can be a flat fee per waiter or bartender needed for the reception.

Caterers’ Question Time
Before you sign on the dotted line, make sure you get answers to the following questions:

• Are you state-licensed? Do you have liability insurance and a valid liquor license?
• How long have you been in business in this area?
• Are you affiliated with any professional groups or societies?
• May I have a list of recent references to check?
• Must we pay for a set minimum number of meals no matter how many guests show up?
• How much leeway do you give over the final head count? Will you be able to make a few extra or fewer meals if we have last-minute guests or no-shows?
• Will we be able to sample your food? See the linens/china you plan to use before the event? May we visit a wedding in a similar style to ours during the setup time?
• Do you offer kids’ meals? What will you charge to feed the band/DJ and photographer?
• May we substitute a cake from another baker, or bring in alcohol from outside? If so, are there additional fees involved?
• Are all taxes and gratuities included in your quote? If not, what are they?
• How familiar are you with my reception site? Are there any special concerns about the space, given what I’d like to serve?
• How long will it take for you to set up and break down the site? At what time will you need access to the site?
• Are you familiar with my florist? Band/DJ? Will you be able to work with them during the site setup?
• Do you have your own wait staff, or do you hire for each event? How will servers and bartenders be dressed? How much experience do they have? Will you be on site? If not, who will be the point person to handle any problems that may come up?
• How do you handle any overtime fees?

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