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Wedding Toasts: An Introductory Primer
By: Gayle Elleven
Congratulations!!! You have a role in one of the
greatest events of the season. You are going to give
a wedding toast. Many individuals have the "right"
or, by tradition, are requested to give a toast at a
wedding. I think by reading this you are probably
one of those people. I have outlined below some
things you probably want to think about if you are
to give a wedding toast. While maybe not an
all-inclusive list, after reading this article you
should be well on your way to a successful toast.
Who Goes When?
The order of wedding toasts may seem rather
complicated at first. However, like many other
etiquette issues, it will not be the absolute death
of the day if any of these folks take their turn out
of order. Participants should be allowed the "right"
to refuse making a wedding toast. The only person
really required to give a wedding toast is the best
man. Most likely, the Master of Ceremonies or the
best man will have an agenda or script that tells
him or her who should toast at what time.
Be sure and wait until all guests have been served
their toasting beverage of choice before the
toasting festivities begin. Incidentally, the server
should pour the bride’s drink first, followed by the
groom, then the maid/matron of honor, then all of
the other wedding party members. The best man is to
receive his beverage last.
The typical order of appearance for wedding toasts
is:
-
Best Man
-
Fathers (groom’s then bride’s)
-
Groom
-
Bride
-
Friends and Relatives
-
Maid/Matron of Honor
-
Mothers (groom’s then bride’s)
-
Anyone else wishing to toast
What should I do?
The first thing you should do is stay calm. You may
never have had the opportunity to speak in front of
a group about something so meaningful as two people
loving one another and vowing to spend the rest of
their lives together. How’s that for a calming
effect? One thing to keep in mind is that this
should probably be the shortest speaking engagement
you’ll ever have. A toast should last no longer than
five minutes with two minutes being more the norm.
The most important thing you can do is to prepare
and practice. Take your toast seriously. At the same
time, incorporate a funny story if possible. Look
back during the time you’ve known the couple or the
bride/groom and relate a personal story to the rest
of those in attendance. Don’t be afraid to get
sentimental – even if you’re a guy. You’ll probably
not have many opportunities to express yourself like
this and folks really eat it up! After all, weddings
are emotional events.
What should I NOT do?
The biggest mistake I see time and again is when
people attempt to get their speaking nerves up
through the consumption of alcohol. You know your
limits better than I, but you probably should have
no more than two pre-toast drinks (if any at all!).
An inebriated toaster is embarrassing to everyone
and you’ll spend a great deal of time in
self-loathing afterwards.
You should also not incorporate stories that will
embarrass someone or jokes that are vulgar. These
types of stories, jokes, and comments only make
people feel uncomfortable. Making people
uncomfortable is surely not the intention of your
toast. Watch out too for "insider" jokes and
stories. While code language may be fun in many
circumstances, you’ll want everyone in the room to
enjoy your speech.
In Brief
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Do… |
Don’t… |
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Be sure ahead of time that you are to
give a toast |
Joke at the expense of others. |
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Make a speaking agenda |
Tell inappropriate stories or use vulgar
language |
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Use humor |
Be afraid to show emotion |
|
Prepare, prepare, prepare |
Get toast-ed (don’t drink too much) |
|
Be sentimental |
Use verbose language |
|
Smile |
Chew gum or talk too fast |
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Keep it short (4 minutes max.) |
Sweat the small stuff |
If worse comes to worse…
In emergencies just memorize one of these short, yet
poignant, toasts:
"May ‘better and for worse" be far better than
worse!"
"A toast to love and laughter and happiness ever
after!"
"May all your tomorrows be promises come true!"
"I wish you joy of heart, peace of mind, and the
beautiful blessing of love."
"May all your hopes and dreams come true, and may
the memory of this day become more dear with each
passing year."
With a little hard work and determination, your
toast can be a memorable addition to the couple’s
wedding day. Make the most of your toasting time and
help the couple realize how much you care.
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