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Uniquely Yours: Wedding Vows
by Nancy Fagan, M.S.
The wedding vow is the most well-known demonstration
of verbal love. A vow is a line of words that are a
solemn promise, or assertion, someone makes that
binds him or her to an act, service, or condition.
In the case of a wedding, it's a declaration of
love.
Because religion plays a significant role in many
people's lives, some of the more traditional vows
were created by individual churches. Each vow has a
slightly different way of phrasing the dedication
words to make them fit each belief system better.
The following are some of the more common religious
vows:
Roman Catholic:
"I, Olivia, take you, Craig, to be my husband. I
promise to be true to you in good times and bad, in
sickness and in health. I will love you and honor
you all the days of my life."
Muslim:
"I pledge in honesty and with sincerity to be for
you an obedient and faithful wife." "I pledge, in
honesty and sincerity to be for you a faithful and
helpful husband."
Jewish:
The groom says, "Behold thou art consecrated unto me
by this ring according to the law of Moses and
Israel." The bride remains silent, as is customary,
and they are married.
Carpatho Russian Orthodox:
"I, Craig, take you, Olivia, as my wedded wife and I
promise you love, honor, and respect: to be faithful
to you and not to forsake you until death do us
part, so help me God, one in the Holy Trinity and
all the Saints."
Traditional Hindu Mantra Baha'i Faith:
"I am the word, and you are the melody. I am the
melody, and you are the word."
Protestant:
"I, Olivia, choose you, Craig, to be my husband, my
friend, my love, the father of our children. I will
be yours in plenty and in want, in sickness and in
health, in failure and in triumph. I will cherish
you and respect you, comfort and encourage you, and
together we shall live freed and bound by our love."
United Church:
"Olivia, I take you to be my wife, to laugh with you
in joy, to grieve with you in sorrow, to grow with
you in love, serving mankind in peace and hope, as
long as we both shall live."
Personalizing Vows
Many couples choose to continue with tradition and
repeat the vow just as others in love have done for
thousands of years. However, a contemporary trend
has been for couples to write their own vows.
Because the heart of the wedding ceremony is the
exchange of vows, creating your own can be a
wonderful opportunity to share aloud just why you
have chosen your mate. This declaration of intent is
specifically what the ritual is about anyway. To
help you begin to formulate your ideas about what
you will eventually write as your wedding vow, use
the following tips. They will guide you to the most
beautiful, loving words designed for your wedding
day:
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You don't have to completely rewrite the traditional
vows; you can simply replace certain words, phrases,
or sentences to fit your thoughts.
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Ask the officiator about ideas he may have, guidance
he might offer, or what's acceptable in a vow.
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The library offers many books on how to write
personalized wedding vows. Read as many as you can
so that you get a good feeling about how to write
yours.
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Collect phrases that you like.
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Attend weddings and make notes about the words you
liked in others' vows.
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Sit down with your partner and write your vows
together. Even if you don't share what you are
writing, the collaborative effort will be bonding.
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Begin early before the crunch of the wedding
consumes you and you no longer have time to write
something meaningful.
Saying traditional vows is nerve-wracking enough,
but the thought of reciting personal vows can be
absolutely terrifying for some people. The fear of
forgetting something causes some people to choose
not to write personal vows at all.
You don't have to let this fear come between you and
what you want to say to your partner in a vow. It's
common to have the person performing the ceremony to
read the vow and have you repeat it after him. Most
wedding ceremonies are performed this way, so you
won't have to worry about fully memorizing your
lines.
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