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Ten Tips for Writing Your Perfect Wedding Vows
By
Maureen Killoran
1. Start with a nice clean piece of paper (lavender
is good, but any kind will work). Down the left side
of the page, write the numbers 1-10. Now – without
stopping to think about it, fill in this page! Write
down the first 10 things that come to mind in
response to this sentence: “I love (my partner’s
name) because . . . “ Set this piece of paper aside.
2. Now – how about YOU? What do YOU bring to this
union? What promises will you make? Take another
sheet of paper, and write ‘em down – don’t worry
about spelling, grammar, or anything else at this
point. Just write down 4-5 things you want to
promise this very special person with whom you want
to spend your life.
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Do you promise to be there in bad times as well as
good?
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Do you promise to be faithful with your body as well
as with your mind and heart?
•
Do you promise to support your partner even when
he/she isn’t perfect?
•
Do you promise to share all your resources? Some?
•
What about if he/she gets sick? What about if you
have a serious fight?
You get the idea . . . what are you promising in
this union?
3. Think about the language you will use to claim
your partner and name your relationship. When you
introduce your beloved, what words will you use?
Husband? Wife? Spouse? Partner for Life? What energy
does each of these have for you? If you don’t like
one for some reason, throw it out. . . but before
you start writing you vows, decide . . . what
language will you use? This is a decision you need
to make together . . . so start early, and give this
as much time as it takes.
4. OK, after you’ve done steps 1-3, and you’ve got
at least two pages of writing and one decision made
– set it all aside. Do something else, preferably
with your partner, and preferably fun. Like
Christmas trees, weddings get too much “stuff” hung
on them, Make yours beautiful, by stepping aside
from the stress for a day or two. Go out and
remember WHY you love . . . go and play.
5. Done that? Now it’s time to make a BIG DECISION.
Are each of you going to write your own vow, or do
the two of you want to say the same thing? You don’t
have to, you know – some of the most beautiful
ceremonies I’ve celebrated had each partner saying
something different . . . But here’s a trick: If
you’re each creating your own unique vow, why not
insert a sentence at the end symbolizing the fact
that you come together as unique individuals, and,
without surrendering your individuality, you are
creating a beautiful, shared union. Here’s an
example of words each partner might use to complete
his or her unique vow:
John, I accept you as my husband.
I
Tracy, embrace you, Susan, as my partner for life.
6. It’s time to go back to the papers you wrote in
Steps 1 and 2. If you’re working together, you’ll
have fun sharing those pages, and seeing where you
overlap . . . Use colored pencils or highlighters to
lift up what you have in common – and make those
promises and statements of love just leap off the
page.
7. Now, whether you’re working alone or as a couple,
it’s time to prioritize. Which is fancy language for
saying, OK, if I have to cut two of these promises
off the list, which ones will they be? Nibble at
your lists, removing the things that are just a
little less juicy, until you’re left with three or
four things you love . . . and about the same number
of things you promise.
8. Copy these over onto a brand new, clean page.
(It’s amazing what a difference a clean sheet of
paper can make – trust me on this!)
9. One more question . . . this is a wedding, a
celebration of your union, presumably for life. Will
your vows indicate a time frame? Some couples use
phrase like: “Through all our years, and in all that
life may bring us . . . “ “For the rest of my days”
“As long as we both shall live”
“lifetime partner.”
“partner forevermore.”
Whatever works for you, a wedding or service of
union vow should contain a phrase that indicates the
duration of your commitment. ( If you’ve come this
far, I hope you’ve decided to promise your
commitment for life.)
10. Read your vow out loud to a trusted someone
other than your partner. Does it sound like you? How
does it feel to say these words aloud? Have you said
anything you’d be embarrassed to say in public? Are
there any tongue-tanglers in there? (It’s amazing
how seemingly simple phrases turn complex when it’s
time to speak!) Make whatever minor changes you
need, and then Stop. Feel good about what you’ve
done – for you have created one of the greatest
gifts you will ever make.
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