Wedding Vows: Little Things of Big
Importance
One of the
most critical parts of your wedding (and yet one that is often
left till the last minute) is the actual vows that you exchange
with your betrothed. Some people use the purely traditional vows
of their religious institution. Others prefer to write the
entire vow themselves. Many couples these days choose to land
somewhere in between.
Elements of
the traditional vow give a wedding ceremony a feeling of being
just that: ceremony. Something that has taken place for
generations and will continue to be woven through the fabric of
our society for generations to come. "With this ring, I thee
wed" brings an automatic emotional response to the participants,
whereas more casual, if more original, phrases may not.
On the
other hand, given the nature of modern relationships,
traditional vows may rather miss the mark on the reality of what
today's partners are willing to swear to. Be sure to pay
attention to the words of the vow you will be taking. You may
not want to promise to "obey" unless you actually mean to do so.
Neither you nor your partner may be excited by the idea that the
man promises to give his earthly possessions while the woman
promises her fidelity —while the corresponding oaths are left
unsaid.
Below is a
sample of a simple ceremony to give you an idea of the different
stages of a typical marriage ceremony and provide you with a
base to edit and add to. To increase the length of your
ceremony, you may want to include readings, musical numbers, or
religious intonations between the various segments of the
vow-taking itself.
OPENING WORDS
Dearly Beloved,
Adam and Eve have invited us here today to share in the
celebration of their marriage--their wedding.
We come
together not to mark the start of a relationship, but to
recognize a bond that already exists. This marriage is one
expression of the many varieties of love. Love is one, though
its expressions are infinite.
It is
fitting to speak briefly about love. We live in a world of joy
and fear and search for meaning and strength in seeming
disorder. We discover the truest guidelines to our quest when we
realize love in all its magnitudes. Love is the eternal force of
life. Love is the force that allows us to face fear and
uncertainty with courage.
If you
would have the foundation of your union be the love you have for
each other, not just at this moment, but for all the days ahead,
then cherish the hopes and dreams that you bring here today.
Resolve that your love will never be blotted out by the
commonplace nor obscured by the ordinary in life.
Devotion,
joy, and love can grown only if you nurture them together. Stand
fast in that hope and confidence, believing in your shared
future just as strongly as you believe in yourselves and in each
other today. In this spirit, you can create a partnership that
will strengthen and sustain you all the days of your lives.
QUESTION OF
INTENT
Eve, will you
have this man to be your husband, to live together in the
covenant of marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and
keep him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others,
be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?
Adam, will
you have this woman to be your wife, to live together in the
covenant of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and
keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others,
be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?
Will all of
you witnessing these promises do all in your power to uphold
these two persons in their marriage?
THE VOWS
Adam, please
repeat after me:
I , Adam,
take you Eve to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day
forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in
sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death do us
part.
Eve, please
repeat after me:
I , Eve,
take you Adam to be my husband, to have and to hold from this
day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in
sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death do us
part.
REFLECTION
This is a moment
of celebration. Let it also be a moment of dedication. The world
does a good job of reminding us of how fragile we are.
Individuals are fragile; relationships are fragile, too. Every
marriage needs the love, nurture, and support of a network of
friends and family. On this wedding day, I ask you not only to
be friends of Adam or Eve, but friends of Adam and Eve together,
friends of the relationship.
May the
love you have found grow in meaning and strength until its
beauty is shown in a common devotion to all that is
compassionate and life-giving. May the flow of your love help
brighten the fate of the earth. May the source of all love touch
and bless us and grace our lives with color and courage.
THE RINGS
From the earliest
times, the circle has been a symbol of completeness, a symbol of
committed love. An unbroken and never ending circle symbolizes a
commitment of love that is also never ending. As often as either
of you looks at this symbol, I hope that you will be reminded of
the commitment to love each other, which you have made today.
Will each
of you repeat after me?
I, Adam,
give to you Eve, this ring, as a symbol of my commitment to
love, honor, and respect you. With this ring, I thee wed.
I, Eve,
give to you Adam, this ring, as a symbol of my commitment to
love, honor, and respect you. With this ring, I thee wed.
DECLARATION
Before this
gathering, Adam and Eve have promised each other their love and
have given each other rings to wear as a sign of their deep
commitment. Therefore I declare that they are husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
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