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Writing
Wedding Vows – Ideas That Will Help You Express What You Truly
Feel
By Jean Bachcroft
More and more, couples are choosing to write their own wedding
vows. Although many people believe that this is the best way to
truly express their personal beliefs and feelings, often they
are unsure about how to begin and what to include. If you would
like to write your own wedding vows, here are some tips for
writing vows that pledge the love you truly feel.
Inform your clergyman early
If the ceremony will be religious, let the clergyman know about
your plans as soon as possible. If there are guide principles
you will need to be aware of as you write your vows, the sooner
you know what they are the better. This is also a good way to
avoid possible conflicts between the beliefs of your house of
worship and your own personal beliefs. If there is some
disagreement between the two, you may need to adjust your plans
or wording, or perhaps look for another clergyman.
Ask yourselves fundamental questions
Once you’ve taken that first step, begin by asking yourselves
questions. These may include: "What does marriage mean to us?
Why are we marrying? What promises are most meaningful, and
which ones are essential that we keep?
You may want to ask what words like love, honor, respect,
faithfulness, forgiveness, honesty, fidelity, friendship, and
trust mean to each of you. This exercise will help you to
clarify your thoughts as well as express your true feelings
toward each other, your expectations for the future, and your
personal visions of your lives together in the future.
Focus on what’s unique
An essential element of personalizing your wedding vows is
expressing what is unique about the other person. Think about
how you see each other and write down as many of the reasons for
loving each other as you can verbalize. If your backgrounds are
different, acknowledge this and promise to respect and honor
your differences as well as your commitment to building bridges
that will strengthen common grounds. If this is not a first
marriage for one or both of you, you may want to talk about your
faith in love and the bond that marriage creates between two
people.
Don’t get too personal
Keep in mind that exchanging wedding vows is as serious as it is
meaningful. Your goal should not be to make your vows sound cute
or amusing. Also, avoid suggestive language or phrasing.
And don’t confuse personal feelings with private affairs. Topics
having to do with money, conception and child-rearing, politics,
or in-laws should not be included in wedding vows to be
overheard by your guests.
Incorporating traditional pledges
Although much of what you will write will be unique to your
relationship and therefore highly personalized, you may want to
include meaning parts from traditional vows that are a part of
your culture.
While most of the wording is their own, many couples continue to
incorporate the familiar love, comfort, honor (though usually
leaving out the "obey" part) wording into their vows.
Rehearse before your wedding day
Since this is a special occasion, you should give it all of the
time and attention it deserves. Practice reading aloud what the
two of you have written. This is the true test that what appears
on paper is what you really intended to say, in the way you
intended to say it. Rehearsing will also allow you to determine
how long exchanging your vows will take and whether adjustments
are needed. If the wording sounds awkward or if it is difficult
to read, change it.
Don’t rely solely on your memory
A case of nerves can strike unexpectedly, and at the most
inopportune time, so make sure your precious words are written
down. Once you are satisfied that your wedding vows express
exactly what you wanted to say to each other, it is time to
finalize your draft. The final copy, preferably two or three,
should be printed using a fairly large font size, which will
make it easier to read.
It is a good idea to give a copy to the clergyman, at least
several days before the ceremony is to take place. If a severe
case of nerves does strike, it may be he who will need to read
your vows.
Personalize the whole ceremony
Aim to keep the time it takes to exchange your vows between one
and three minutes. To extend the feeling of a ceremony that is a
celebration of your unique love, have a family member or good
friend offer a carefully selected prayer or reading as part of
the ceremony. You can also choose music that is both appropriate
for the occasion and especially meaningful to the two of you.
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