Including Children in Your Wedding Vows
In modern society, blended families are more and more
common. Although you may not be the Brady Bunch, you and your
fiancée wish to create a happy new family with children born
prior to your marriage, whatever the circumstances may be. As
couples with children are forming a union between more than two
people, the exchange of wedding vows is commonly amended to
include children in the ceremony.
How to do this is a personal decision that must be made specific
to your circumstance and the ages and personalities of the
children involved. When choosing the level of your child's
involvement in your ceremony, you should consider first what
they would be comfortable with and respect their feelings.
Though some children would relish a starring role in the show,
others require more time to adjust to the massive shift in
family dynamics and should not be pushed into an active role in
the ceremony.
With more than one child involved, you can count on the fact
that they will each feel differently about the ceremony and what
is expected of them, so in order to honor the individual roles
of everyone involved, the vow ceremony you come up with should
be decided unanimously. This will take some time and a good deal
of trial and error, but will be worth it in the end when
everyone feels that their role is significant and they each play
a special role in the family dynamic as reflected in the
ceremony.
Depending on their age, personality and ability level, there are
several ways in which your child can be an active part in your
exchange of vows. Your child may compose a poem or words that he
or she wishes to say, or they may wish to read a quote about
togetherness and love from a favorite story, such as
Charlotte's
Web or Winnie The Pooh. The child and step-parent might
brainstorm and compose their vows to each other together, as a
way to bond and make the ceremony seem more like something
special they are doing together.
When the couple is exchanging traditional vows, a third vow is
often included for the step-parent along the lines of "Do you,
___ take ___ to care for, encourage and love as your own, for so
long as you may live?" To which the step-parent replies in the
affirmative, and the child answers with his or her own special
vow.
During the exchange of rings between the couple some choose for
the child to be presented with a family medallion or other
article of significance. After rings are exchanged with the
words "With this ring, I thee wed", the step-parent places the
family medallion around the neck of the child with words such as
"With this medallion, I take thee into my care to love as my
own." This can also be a bracelet, pin, or some other ornament
which may be a family heirloom or something new that the child
picks out special for the occasion.
It is also common in ceremonies including children for the
children to place their hands on top of the joined hands of the
couple during the exchange of vows. This indicates both a
blessing of the union and inclusion as an equal.
However you decide to include your children in your exchange of
vows, the goal is to make them understand that they are a
crucial part of the equation, and the bond of love being
celebrated in your ceremony has a special place just for them.
Written
by Marial Smith
© 2005 Letters and Arts, Inc.
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